To cut a long story short, I'd known her on Facebook for years, when I suddenly got exposed by a black master as a black owned Sissy. I'd never been one of these, 'expose me, expose me' sissies. I needed a double life back then as I was in business with my best pal and also still kinda holding out hope on my ex-girlfriend, as I was still convincing myself that I was a real man.
Things went from bad to worse when my business partner and myself completely fell out in the first quarter of 2011 and I rapidly lost everything that I had. £25,000 completely down the drain. I was in a bad place mentally and things were about to continue on their downward spiral.
I was emotionally wrecked anyway after the exposure and was already accepting the sissy cockslut side of me more than the 'male' side. I began stepping it up even more and it was spiralling out of control. By October I had decided to seek professional help.
I started counselling at a little clinic where you go for an 8 week run of therapy . By the end of it they'd refered me to a phycho sexual health clinic (gender dysphoria clinic). this did nothing for me at the time, other than to emphasis my fractured mental state and make things ten times worse. I ended the year in a downward alcoholic spiral, pretty depressed and not knowing who I was.
The final three days of 2011 had more surprises though. My car died and for the first time in my adult life I realized that I couldn't afford another, as I was effectively bankrupt. That was December 28th. By the end of the evening I was drunk and needing to talk. So I messaged Mia.
It seemed like a good idea at the time. I told her about being a tranny, about my love for BBC, the whole gender issues and how I wanted a woman to own me. She actually seemed pretty turned on and for the first time in ages I felt good about myself. I sent her a pic of me dressed and she liked it.
This is one of the two video's that would end up causing me so much grief
Over the next month and a half, she got more and more into the idea of dominating me. I sent her a few more pics and even a video of me sucking a black guy off (which she really enjoyed).
Things peaked on my birthday when I sent a few vids of me with anal toys. Again she was fascinated. We carried on talking until late February when suddenly she blocked me. Turns out she had confided in the wrong person when she was drunk ... Anyway long story short. I felt total crap and like an utter pervert. I started getting harassed by people online and generally hated myself more than ever.
Me stretching my fuckhole on cam
Through a lot of this, over the years, I was on large amounts of amphetamines. I found that I got hornier and sluttier when I was on speed. I used to actually believe, in my male denial stages that speed turned me into this person and that was the only reason I was like this, even though I'd fantasize about it when i wasn't speeding.
I just sort of put this down to residual horniness but I'd been taking cock and dressing years before I'd ever touched drugs. I was just in denile and convinced myself it was just sexual experimentation. Then my therapist pointed out that a drug cannot change you into somebody else and really I'd been that person long before I'd started taking drugs. The truth was I'd been in denial and blaming the drugs for my feminine urges. I'd be impotent since my mid twenties as well and perhaps this was an aspect of my natural submissiveness.
I booked myself into a drugs clinic and went clean. I continued to dress and take cock at an increasing rate. I remember having 5 black guys in one day at one point. I'd noticed without the speed I was fine until I cum and then I'd go straight back into denial again. I'm practically impotent but I can still wank my little maggot off and make myself cum
I didn't speak to Mia again till mid 2013 when I contacted her to apologize and she told me what had really happened. Over the next few months I became her online slave. She'd make me dress and degrade myself in stupid ways for the amusement of her and her sister. Ultimately though, the online thing is bullshit and also she wasn't ready. She ended up blocking me again as we realized after we couldn't just be friends anymore.
Then it all changed for me, I left London and again because of a car, I couldn't transport my girly stuff. I resolved to give up that side of my life and the next year was spent embracing the new adventure and new life by the Kent coast. Exactly a year later though, the craving started.
Things were a bit different now though , being away from London had given me time to do a lot of thinking. I'd realized for starters that this was a part of me, there wasn't two of me just ying and yang , the male and the female. I identified more with the female side and it was time to accept that.
I started seriously thinking that now may be the time to find myself an owner. I'd had a weird domination thing going with my friend Harriet and for three months I was her slave. Then when she got a new boyfriend, he made her finish things with me.
I then met a woman who had a mansion in Sussex and wanted me as her slave as well as working as a graphic designer, editing images of her having sex and eventually building her a website.
I started to suspect that it would come to nothing though as she'd stopped contacting me for a while. And that was when Mia made contact....
